At least make sure they are 18
Why
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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