If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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