I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
