Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
