I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
