my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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