Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
