i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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