last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
