you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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