I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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