why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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