Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
