I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
