overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
