No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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