I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
