the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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