glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
