ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
