People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Still dying that you shit outside
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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