Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
