I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
