oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
