You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I cockslap morals
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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