Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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