My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
