not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
