she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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