We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
