She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
is that a dick in a sweater?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
