Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
