I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
