Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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