there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
