I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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