I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
