i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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