He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
