stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
