you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
