But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
