Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
