Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
