Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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