I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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