i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she pinky promised me she was 18
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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