I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
