Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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