Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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