I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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