bring money and cleavage
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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