strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
