She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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