Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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