ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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