Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He shit in the fireplace
You ruined the universe
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
