Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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