i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
