Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
