They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
