don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
