I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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