I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
