4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
